Paranoia

Maybe it was the way people’s eyes looked at me or their mumbling voices chatting in the background. Whatever it was, it made me feel ill at ease. There was a yucky feeling in the pit of my stomach and I was just waiting. I didn’t even know exactly what I was waiting for but I was waiting nevertheless.

Could it be that our brains make themself fear the world? Could it simply be that the world is a fearful place and our brains are just trying to protect us?

Everyone experiences small doses and bouts of paranoia on nearly a daily basis, but not everyone exists on its effects. Those with paranoid disorder with deal with constant nagging that they cannot control as it tends to control them, hence your own brain being the enemy. According to studied, paranoia may present in persons showing signs of stress.

I didn’t feel stressed yet the feeling stayed. I was still waiting for something to happen. Anything. The possibilities are endless. There could be a murderer with a knife on a stabbing spree. There could be a bus going past that’s about to lose control of it’s tyres.

As the sun disappears leaving the moon and stars to fend for themselves, my mind goes wild with possibility. No, I don’t mean opportunity, I mean possibilities of painful ways that I could be killed. That’s just how my mind works.

You see, I’m not the only one who seems to be going crazy. I can’t be the only one who is thinking about death on a regular basis.

“It must be paranoia” I mutter under my breath.

That’s how I know, that in the end, everything will be alright. It’s not just me being a mad woman. It’s paranoia and it’s completely normal way to feel.

Yes, it’s hard to deal with while you’re going through it but I can do it. I am strong enough to calm my mind and see that it’s just my own brain trying to be the bad guy. There’s no need to panic because all will be alright in the end.

I’m not the only paranoid one.

Eleanor May

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2 Comments

  1. February 11, 2018 / 2:56 pm

    I have suffered with paranoia and over thinking for many years, it never goes away but you can learn to deal with the thoughts and I rationalise myself out of it now most if the time

  2. February 14, 2018 / 1:57 pm

    I can completely relate to this. I try to be rational, especially in the early hours of the morning, but it can be so tough,

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